Condoms ‘too big’ for Indian men

By Damian Grammaticus BBC News, Delhi There is a “lack of awareness” over condom sizes A survey of more than 1,000 men in India has concluded that condoms made according to international sizes are too large for a majority of Indian men. The study found that more than half of the men measured had penises that were shorter than international standards for condoms. It has led to a call for condoms of mixed sizes to be made more widely available in India. The two-year study was carried out by the Indian Council of Medical Research. Over 1,200 volunteers from the length and breadth of the country had their penises measured precisely, down to the last millimetre. The scientists even checked their sample was representative of India as a whole in terms of class, religion and urban and rural dwellers. It’s not size, it’s what you do with it that matters Sunil Mehra The conclusion of all this scientific endeavour is that about 60% of Indian men have penises which are between three and five centimetres shorter than international standards used in condom manufacture. Doctor Chander Puri, a specialist in reproductive health at the Indian Council of Medical Research, told the BBC there was an obvious need in India for custom-made condoms, as most of those currently on sale are too large. The issue is serious because about one in every five times a condom is used in India it either falls off or tears, an extremely high failure rate. And the country already has the highest number of HIV infections of any nation. ‘Not a problem’ Mr Puri said that since Indians would be embarrassed about going to a chemist to ask for smaller condoms there should be vending machines dispensing different sizes all around the country. “Smaller condoms are on sale in India. But there is a lack of awareness that different sizes are available. There is anxiety talking about the issue. And normally one feels shy to go to a chemist’s shop and ask for a smaller size condom.” But Indian men need not be concerned about measuring up internationally according to Sunil Mehra, the former editor of the Indian version of the men’s magazine Maxim. “It’s not size, it’s what you do with it that matters,” he said. “From our population, the evidence is Indians are doing pretty well. “With apologies to the poet Alexander Pope, you could say, for inches and centimetres, let fools contend.”

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/south_asia/6161691.stm

Please also see article on Whey Western women like Princiess Diana, Britney Spears and others choose Pakistani men!…it is obvious……!!! 

Britney Spears, Princess Diana, and Pakistani men

Our great ambition is to creata an ‘encyclopeida” of Laloo Prasad jokes. We use this short listing as an appetizer

Laloo Prasad said that Pakistan declined an offer to take over Kashmir. Laloo said that the Pakistanis declined the offer becuase the fine print in the Indian offer would have forced the Pakistanis to accept Biahr along with Kashmir. The Pakistanis did not want Bihar at any cost, so they turned down the offer!

Laloo Prasad was hosting a Japanese Delegation for Business Development to Bihar. The Japanese Emissary was quite impressed with Bihar and he stated, “Bihar is an excellent state. Give us three years and we will turn it into an economic superpower like Japan.” Laloo was very surprised. “You Japanese are very ineficient,” he stated. “Give me three days and I will turn Japan into the next Bihar!”

After having their 11th child, Laloo & Rabri decided that was enough. So then Laloo went to his doctor and told him that he and his wife did not want any more children. The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem. The doctor instructed him to go home, get a Diwali bomb, light it, put it in a empty Coke can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10. Laloo said to the doctor, “I’m the smartest man in Bihar, but I don’t see how putting a Diwali atom bomb in a Coke can next to my ear is going to help me with my problem.” So the couple drove to Delhi to get a second opinion. The Delhi physician was just about to tell them about the procedure for a vasectomy when he noticed by their Medical records that they were from Bihar. This doctor instead told Laloo to go home and get a Diwali atom bomb, light it, place it in a Coke can and hold it to his ear and count to 10. Figuring that both learned physicians knew what they were talking about and couldn’t be wrong, Laloo went home, lit a atom bomb, put it in a coke can. He held it up to his ear and began to count with his fingers on his left hand : “1,2,3, 4,5″ At which point he paused, placed the coke can between his legs and resumed counting on the other hand.

Laallooo Prasad Yadav gave a speech to “pharin delegation” from Amrika. The topic of the speech was COWW

What is a Cow
HE IS THE COW. The cow is a successful animal. Also he is 4 footed, And because he is female, he give milks, (but will do so when he is got child.). He is same like – God, sacred to Hindus and useful to man. But he has got four legs together. Two are forward and two are afterwards. His whole body can be utilized for use. More so the milk. Milk comes from 4 taps attached to his basement. (Horses don’t have any such attachment.)

Use of a cow
What can it do? Various – ghee, butter, cream, curd, and the condensed milk and so forth. Also he is useful to cobbler, watermans and mankind generally. His motion is slow only because he is of lazy species. Also, his other motion… (gobar) is much useful to trees, plants as well as for making Pizza that can be used for heating oneself in winter. Cow is the only animal that extricates his feeding after eating. Then afterwards she chews with his teeth who are situated in the inside of the mouth.

Tailing a cow
He has got tails also, situated in the backyard, but not like similar animals. It has hairs on the other end of the other side. This is done to frighten away the flies, which alight on his cohesive body hereupon he, gives hit with it.

Lalu and bush meeting …..(hindi eng. Mix)

Once bush visited to india. And he directly go to home town of lalu in bhihar. After having look at bihar he had meeting with laloo.
Bush: ye kya haal kar rakha hai bihar ka ??
Laloo: kyo kya huwa ???
Bush: aaray sab jagaha, mara mari, loot mar, rape …etc. etc and abt u r roads, building, houses, offices ???

Then he said to laloo …”Mr.laloo if u give me bihar for 3 months I can change it as if america..”

On this laloo said “kya 3 mahina ….. aaph yek kaam karo …ye jo america hai na wo mujhe 3 dino kay liye do … nahi tin dino may usay bihar jaisa banaya to naam badal dunga …”

In an interview,
Interviewer: Lalooji aapne apne beti ki shaadi ke liye zabardasti gaadi le li car showroom se. Iske baare mein aapko kya kehna kya hai?

Laloo: Arrey hum thodi zabardasti karna chaahte the. Hum prem se pooche rahe to oo boley nahi de sakte. Ab aur kouno chaara hi nahi tha ka karen

Laloo prasad yadavs family planning policy.”DONT HAVE MORE THAN TWO CHILDREN IN ONE YEAR”

Once Laloo prasad yadav took some photos with a herd of buffaloes , Next day the photo appeared on the front page of a Bihari newspaper. Guess the caption!! ‘Laloo,third from left!’

A reporter once asked Laloo prasad yadav “Whats the main reason for divorce in Bihar ?”
Laloo replied “Marriage

once laloo goes to the US to learn english from bush.

he calls his wife rabri and says english is a funny language and he is having fun.

after 2 months bush calls rabri and says: hum bushwa bol raha hun, yeh englis kabhi nahin seekh sakta.

Laloo Prasad sent his Bio Data – to apply for a post in Microsoft Corporation, USA.
A few days later he got this reply :
Dear Mr. Laloo Prasad,
You do not meet our requirements. Please do not send any further
correspondence. No phone call shall be entertained.
Thanks

Bill Gates.

Laloo prasad jumped with joy on receiving this reply.

He arranged a party and when all the guests had come,
he said: “Bhaiyon aur Behno, aap ko jaan kar khushi
hogee ki hum ko Amereeca mein naukri mil gayee haai.”

Everyone was delighted.

Laloo prasad continued…… “Ab main aap sab ko apnaa
appointment letter padkar sunaongaa -
par letter angreeze main hai – isliyen saath-saath Hindi main
translate bhee karoonga.

Dear Mr. Laloo Prasad —– Pyare Laloo prasad bhaiyya
You do not meet —– aap to miltay hee naheen ho

our requirement —– humko to zaroorat hai

Please do not send any further correspondance —– ab Letter
vetter bhej ne ka kaouno zaroor! at nahee.

No phone call —– phoonwa ka bhee zaroorat nahee hai

shall be entertained —– bahut khaatir kee jayegi.

Thanks —– aapkaa bahut bahut dhanyavad.

Bill Gates. —- Bilva.

Bye……..

STATE OF BIHAR DRIVING LICEN APPLIKASON PHA-RUM

NOTE: If you dont know the answers, please capi fram another applikason pharum and submit. For further instruktions, see battum
applikason.

Please do not shoot the person at the applikason kounter. He will give
you the lisen immediately.

(Check appropriate box)

Last name:
(_) Yadav
(_) Sinha
(_) Pandey
(_) Mishra
(_) do not know
First name:
(_) Ramprasad
(_) Lakhan
(_) Sivaprasad
(_) Jamnaprasad
(_) Dont know

Age:
(_) Less than zero
(_) Zero
(_) Greater than zero
(_) Don’t know

Sex:
____ M _____ F _____ not sure _____ not applicable

Chappal Size:
____ Left ____ Right

Occupasion:
(_) Politician
(_) Doodhwala
(_) Pehelwaan
(_) House wife
(_) Un-employed

Number of children living in household:
___
Number tha t are yours: ___
Mother\’s Name: _______________________
Father\’s Name: _______________________
(If not sure, leave blank)

Ejjucason:
1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed)

Do you bathe?

(_) Yes (_) No Not applicable

If yes, how often do you bathe?
(_) Weekly
(_) Monthly
(_) Yearly
Color of teeth:
(_) Yellow
(_) Brownish-Yellow
(_) Brown
(_) Black
(_) Others – Give exact color (call nearest Asian Paints dealer if U
dont know the color of your teeth)

How far is your home from a paved road?
(_)1 mile (_)2 miles (_)don\’t know

_________________________
(Your thumb imparesson)

If you are capying from another applikason pharom, please do nat
capy thumb impression also.
* Please provide your own thumb impression.
PLEASE DO NAT USE FINGERS OF YOUR LEGS. Use thumb on your
lefthand only. If you dont have
left hand, use your thumb on right hand.
If
you do nat have right
hand,
use thumb on left hand.

NOTE : IF YOU DONT HAVE BOTH HANDS, YOU
CANNOT DRIVE

Laloo, Rabri and his son were returning from south by train.

Laloo was ccupying the lower berth, Rabri the middle berth and
his son the top most berth in the train compartment.

The train stopped at one of the stations on the way back and the
son asked Laloo to bring him a Cadburys chocolate. When Laloo
and his son returned they found that a South Indian who couldn’t
understand Hindi had occupied his son’s berth.

Upset and angry, Laloo called the Ticket checker & asked him to
help. The Ticket checker said that he could not understand
Hindi or Bihari so it would be nice if Laloo explained the whole
situation
to him in English.

So Laloo explained, “That man sleeping on top of my wife is not giving
birth
to my child.”

Laloo Prasad Yadav talks to his son.

Laloo: I want you to marry a girl of my choice
Son : “I want to choose my own bride”.
Laloo : “But the girl is Ambani’s daughter.”
Son : “Well, in that case…… Yes”
Next Laloo approaches Mukesh Ambani

Laloo : “I have a husband for your daughter.”
Ambani : “But my daughter is too young to marry.”
Laloo : “But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank.”
Ambani : “Ah, in that case…..Yes”
Finally Laloo goes to see the president of the World Bank.

Laloo : “I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president.”
President :”But I already have more vice-presidents than I need.”
Laloo : “But this young man is Ambani’s son-in-law.”
President : “Ah, in that case…….Yes.”
During a meeting with the President of Pakistan ,
Lalooji told him that since u want Kashmir to be annexed to your country,”chalo hum aap ko aur ek freebie dethein hain…bihar bhi laylo”

Mr.Musharaff immediately withdrew his demand for Kashmir

three scientists, an american, a german and an indian, were talking and bragging about the technological advances their respective countries have achieved in the field of medicine.

the american said “in washington, there was a baby boy born without arms so we attached artificial arms on him. and he grew up and became an olympic professional boxer and a gold medallist!”

the german said, “thats nothing to what we have achieved. back in berlin, there was a baby girl born without legs so we attached a pair of artificial legs on her. now she is an olympics marathon gold medallist!”

the indian smirked: “is that all you have achieved? just gold medallists? in patna, bihar, we had a baby boy born without a head! we attached a coconut and called him Laloo and he grew up to become the chief minister of Bihar!”

lalooji,ajj hum naya interestwa paada kyai hai ajj hun juth nai bologa,rawdi khai khai thaka hai .or overtaking ki baat be thi.navi sarkar mai hum railway minister to hai or ab to boliwood ma be teen ban gaya kai baat kho mada-rast rak ka .purana debba kho sidding ma raak ka nai boogi[rolling stock]sa shanting ,shanting khel ta hai.

Laloo Prasad’s wife is off to England for a 2-week training program, and he is seeing her off at the airport.

‘Have a good trip Rabri’, says Laloo.

Rabri answers, ‘Thank you ji! What would you like me to bring for you?’

Laloo laughs and says, ‘An English girl!!!

Rabri is quiet and leaves contemplating the meaning of his words.

Two weeks later Laloo picks her up in the airport and asks, ‘Haanji, so how was the trip?’

‘Very good, very very good ji!’

Laloo laughs and asks, ‘And so, what happened to my present?’

‘Which present?’

‘What I had asked for, the English girl?!’

‘Oh haanji, that! Well, I’ve done what I could. Now we will just have to wait a few months to see if it’s a English boy or a girl!!!

What do they call French Toilet in Bihar?
La loo

Once Laloo was coming out of Airport. As there was huge rush the security guard told Laloo “WAIT SIR” for which Laloo replied “65Kgs” and moved on…

Once Laloo wanted to know the time difference between Bihar and Las Vegas. So he called up the Tourist department and asked them “Ji could you tell me the time difference between Patna and Las Begas…”.
The man at the other end replies “One second sir …” and Laloo immediately replies “thank you” and puts the phone down.

Laloo Prasad Yadav was hosting a Japanese Delegation for Business Development to Bihar. The Japanese Embassy was quite impressed with Bihar and he stated, “Bihar is an excellent state. Give us three years and we will turn it into an economic superpower like Japan.” Laloo was very surprised. “You Japanese are very inepicient,” he stated “Give me three days and I will turn Japan into Bihar”

JACK AND JILL POEM IN LALOO STYLE

jack and jilwa gaye upar hilwa pe, pani bhari ka vaste.
jekwa gir gawa, uka khopdi fut gawa
and jilwa aawat ludkan pura raste
********************

An air hostess to laloo- “You are vegetarian or non vegetarian?”
Laloo- ” I am Indian.”
Air hostess- “No, no sir you are shakahari or masahari?”
Laloo- “I am Bihari.”
*******************

Laloo to P.A.- Why are so many players kicking the football?”
P.A.- “Sir goal karne ke liye.”
Laloo- “Sasura ball to pahile hi gol haui aur kitwa gol arenge.”

Laloo Prasad Yadav talks to his son.
Laloo: I want you to marry a girl of my choice
Son : “I want to choose my own bride”.
Laloo : “But the girl is Ambani’s daughter.”
Son : “Well, in that case…… Yes”
Next Laloo approaches Mukesh Ambani
Laloo : “I have a husband for your daughter.”
Ambani : “But my daughter is too young to marry.”
Laloo : “But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank.”
Ambani : “Ah, in that case…..Yes”
Finally Laloo goes to see the president of the World Bank.
Laloo : “I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president.”
President :”But I already have more vice-presidents than I need.”
Laloo : “But this young man is Ambani’s son-in-law.”
President : “Ah, in that case…….Yes.”
This is how business is done!!!

At a bar in New York, the man to Laloo’s left tells the
bartender,”JOHNNIE WALKER,SINGLE.” And the man’s companion says, “JACK DANIELS, SINGLE.” The bartender approaches Laloo and asks, “AND YOU, SIR?” Laloo replies: “LALOO YADAV, MARRIED.”

Rabri Devi died and went to heaven (Don’t Laugh). As she stood in front of yamraj , she saw a huge wall of clocks behind. She asked, “What are all those clocks?” Yamraj answered, “Those are LieClocks. Everyone on Earth has a LieClock.Every time you lie, the hands on your clock will move.” “Oh,” said Rabri, “Who’s clock is that?”That’s Gautam Buddha’s. The hands have never moved indicating that he never told a lie. “And whose clock is that? “That’s Abraham Lincoln’s clock. The hands have only moved twice, telling us that Abraham only told 2 lies in his entire life.” Rabri asked, “Where’s my Laloo’s clock?” Laloo”s clock is in my office”, replied yamraj, “I’m using it as a ceiling fan.

A reporter asked Laloo “What the main reason for divorce?” Laloo replies “Marriage

Once laloo went to the US to visit his counterpart. When the senator invited him home for dinner, the Laloo was very impressed by the lavish mansion, grounds and the costly furnishings. He asked “How can you afford all this on a meagre senator’s salary?”
The sentaor smiled knowingly and took him to the window.
“Can you see the river?”
“Yes”
“Can you see the bridge over it?”
“Of course”, said Laloo.
“10 percent”, said the senator smugly.
Some time later, the senator had occasion to pay a return visit. The Indian minister (Laloo) lavished all hospitality on him.
When they came to his house,the American was stunned by the huge palace Laloo had built, glittering with precious art, hundreds of servants etc etc.
“How can you possibly afford this, on a salary in Indian Rupees”, he asked.
The Laloo called him to the window.
“See the river over there?”
“Sure”, cried the senator.
“Can you see the bridge over it?”
The senator looked, was confused, peered closely and said
“No, I don’t see any bridge.”
“100 percent”, said Laloo !!
Once (before the recent Bihar elections) Soniaji took our Lalooji along on her visit to Mumbai. Unfortunately (for the Mumbaikars, of course) it was his first visit, so he was very excited and couldn’t contain his feelings. As the aircraft approached the city and on seeing the spectacular sight of lights, he started shouting ” Bombay, Bombay…..”. Soniaji got irritated and admonished him ” Sh, be silent”. Pausing only for a few seconds, Lalooji started shouting even more vigorously, ” Ambey !, Ambey! ……”

lalooji wathing a kabaddi match sitting in the best seat available.
The guy on his left noticed there was an empty seat next to him and said, “Can you believe someone actually paid for that seat and didn’t come to c such an important match?”
Lalooji replied, “Actually that’s my wife’s seat…we bought these tickets months ago. Unfortunately, my wife passed away so I came alone.”
“I’m sorry to hear that, but why didn’t you give the ticket to a family member or friend?”
“Oh, they’re all at the funeral.”

Once Lllo jee went to an Indian restaurant IN USA

he read the Menu
all entrees come with Naan

garbanzo=19.00 $ PP
kidney beans+12 $ etc
Too expensive he thaught!

then he saw

Daal (Fat free)= 5 $ Per plate

Lalooji kahin

hamka dal lakar dijiye………naan extra phulphy banaiye

waiter got dal and Naan.

laloo said aur ghee kaha hai?

“ghee”??waiter said??

“hanji makhan ,phat,u kaha hai”?

water called the manager, Lalloo said “ghee kha hai?”

Manager looked puzzled, Lalloo said

ha bhai ha Gheee.idhar dekhiye Menu wa me likha hai naa……PHat is Phree???

If you have to name a cent-per-cent smart-alec politician, no one fit the bill perfectly like Lallu Prasad Yadav. He can outbeat anyone in their game.
Laloo’s Numerology

A British Diplomat paid a courtesy visit to Lalloojee. During a Garden party at the Palace, he thought of entertaining Lalloojee with the following magic of numbers.

He said, “Your excellency, Look at the value of the alphabet:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22

Now, look at this Sir, if we calculate together it will be:
H A R D W O R K : 8 1 18 4 23 15 18 11 = 98 % Only
K N O W L E D G E : 11 14 15 23 12 5 4 7 5 = 96 % Only
L O B B Y I N G : 12 15 2 2 25 9 14 7 = 86 % Only
L U C K : 12 21 3 11 = 47 % Only
Sir, you should look at the final one, which is most important.
A T T I T U D E : 1 20 20 9 20 21 4 5 = 100 %
Sir, do you find it useful? This magic can work on your people to improve themselves, increase productivity, and make your Kingdom prosperous. Sir, I can arrange to send our experts to coach your people. We can do it in less than a year”

Lalloojee thought for a while; and said, “I have better formula.
See this……
C O R R U P T I O N : 3 15 18 21 16 9 15 14 = 111 %
Do you want me to come and teach your people? I can do it in less than one week.”

now if our Lallo asked to format an application,here it will be
Indian Election: Application Form
1. Name of Candidate: ___2. Present Address i. Name of Jail: ____
ii. Cell Number: ______
(If not in Jail, attach proof of illegally occupied residence)
3. Political Party: ___ (List ONLY the Last Five parties in the Chronological Order)
4. Sex : [ ] A. Male B. Female C. Mayawati
5. Nationality : [ ] A. Italian B. Indian
(if Indian attach attested copy of ration card, police certificate, passport, birth-certificate, electricity bill, phone bill and local goonda’s NOC. If Non-Indian just Check box A)
6. Reasons for leaving last party (circle one or more)
A.Defected B.ExpelledC.Bought outD.None of aboveE.All of above
7. Reasons for contesting elections (circle one or more)
A. To make money B. To escape court trial C. To grossly misuse power
D. To serve the public E. I have no clue
(if you choose “D,- attach Certificate of Sanity from a Recognised Government Psychiatrist)
8. How many years of public service experience do you possess ? [ ]
A. 1-2 yrs B. 2-6yrs C. 6-15yrs D. 15+yrs
9. Give details of any criminal cases pending against you (Use as many Additional Sheets as you want)
10. How many years have you spent in Jail ? [ ] (Do not confuse with question 8)
A. 1-2 years B. 2-6 years C. 6-15 years D. 15+years

to conclude the applications form

11. Are you involved in any financial scams ? [ ]
A. Why not
B. Of Course
C. Definitely
D. I deny it all
E. see a foreign hand

12. What is your Annual Corruption Income ? [ ]
A. 100-500 Crores
B. 500-1000 Crores
C. Overflow… (Convert all your $ earning from Hawala etc to Rupees)

13. Do you have any developmental plans for the country in mind? [ ]
A. No
B. No
C. No
D. No

14. Describe in space provided, your achievements : __ (Do not use any additional sheets)
__________________________
Thumb Impression of candidate

Note; all above to be furnished and forms should be directly submited along with the deposit amount payable at swiss banks A/c L…..

instructions will be given on interview of the most corrupted canditate.to conclude the applications form

11. Are you involved in any financial scams ? [ ]
A. Why not
B. Of Course
C. Definitely
D. I deny it all
E. see a foreign hand

12. What is your Annual Corruption Income ? [ ]
A. 100-500 Crores
B. 500-1000 Crores
C. Overflow… (Convert all your $ earning from Hawala etc to Rupees)

13. Do you have any developmental plans for the country in mind? [ ]
A. No
B. No
C. No
D. No

14. Describe in space provided, your achievements : __ (Do not use any additional sheets)
__________________________
Thumb Impression of candidate

Note; all above to be furnished and forms should be directly submited along with the deposit amount payable at swiss banks A/c L…..

instructions will be given on interview of the most corrupted canditate.

Laloo,Jayalalitha,and karunanidhi are on a long flight in an
Air Force plane.
Laloo pulls out a 100 Rupee note and says,
“I’m going to throw this Rs.100 note out and make someone down below happy.”
Jayalalitha not wanting to be outdone says,
“If that was my 100 Rupee note,I would split it into two Rs.50 notes throw them down and make two people down below happy.”

Of course karunanidhi doesn’t want these two candidates to out do him so he pipes in,
‘I would instead take one hundred Rs.1 notes and throw them out to
make 100 people just a little happier.”

At this point the pilot who has overheard all this bragging and can’t
stand it anymore comes out and says,
“If I throw all three of you out of this plane and
I’ll make 100 crore people happy!”

Once Laloo Yadav,unnamed political bigwig (aspirant),a saint and a schoolboy were travelling by a private plane( owned by an industrialist’s)
Suddenly the engine caught fire and the pilot came out shouting,
“This plane is going to crash! And we have only four parachutes
and there are five of us in the plane.
I am a very important Indian Airlines pilot now on unofficial duty
I am taking one parachute and getting out of here.”
Saying this he rushed to the luggage area grabbed one parachute and jumped off the plane.
Political leader said,
“Since I am the future Prime Minister of India I am very important and have to live!”
He also grabbed a parachute and jumped.

Laloo Yadav said,”I am the king-maker of this country,
the most honest politician of India and
above all the most intelligent person living in this country,the most intelligent person must live!”
Saying so Laloo went to the luggage area,grabbed one and jumped off the plane.
The old saint said to the school boy
“There is only one parachute left and there are two of us.
I am an old man and don’t need to live any more.
You take the last parachute and jump.”
The school boy said,”Don’t worry!
There are still two parachutes left with us!
The most intelligent person Laloo Yadav
jumped off the plane with my school bag!”

Laloo, Rabri and his son were returning from south by train.

Laloo was ocupying the lower berth, Rabri the middle berth and his son the top most berth in the train compartment.

The train stopped at one of the stations on the way back and the son asked Laloo to bring him a Cadburys chocolate.
When Laloo and his son returned they found that a South Indian who couldn’t understand Hindi had occupied his son’s berth.

Upset and angry, Laloo called the Ticket checker & asked him to help.
The Ticket checker said that he could not understand Hindi or Bihari so it would be nice if Laloo explained the whole situation to him in
English.

So Laloo explained,
“That man sleeping on top of my wife is not giving birth to my child.”
The Ticket cheker fainted !

After having their 11th child,Laloo & Rabri decided that was enough.

So Laloo went to his doctor & told him that they did not want any more children.

The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem.
Lallu and Rabri were against vasectomy,wanted some other alternative
The doctor instructed him to go home,get a Diwali ,light it,put it in an empty Coke can,
then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10.
Laloo said to the doctor,’I'm the smartest man in Bihar,
but I don’t see how putting a Diwali atom in a Coke can next to my ear is going to help me with my problem.’

So the couple drove to Delhito get a second opinion.

The Delhi physician was just about to tell them about the procedure for a vasectomy when he noticed by their Medical records that they ! were from Bihar & would not accept vasectomy.

This doctor also told Laloo to go home and get a Diwali atom ,lightit, place it in a Coke can and hold it to his ear,count to 10.
Figuring that both learned physicians knew what they were talking about & couldn’t be wrong,
Laloo went home,lit an atom ,put it in a coke can.

He held it up to his ear,began to count with his fingers on his left
hand : ’1,2,3, 4,5′
At which point he paused, placed the coke can between his legs and resumed counting on the other hand..
He heard the sound & the proplem solved.
NO MORE CHILDREN Is possible now.

Laloo becomes PM and goes to Pakistan for a one-on-one with Parvez Mushraf.

They decide to meet without aides & are closeted for about 5 minutes.

Then Mushraf comes out and drops a shell

Pakistan has decided to giveup all claims on Kashmir,with no strings attached!

The whole world is stunned.

Laloo has achieved in 5 minutes what others had failed to in 50 years!

How did you do it,what did you promise,the press clamours.

“Sab Akai TV – waalon ka kamaal hai,” says Laloo.

“Woh kehte hain na, V loge tho fridge free milega,
video khareedein to cellphone free milega…

tho ham bhi Mushraf se keh diye – “Aapko Kashmir chaahiye na? Le jaayie.

Magar saath mein Bihar free milega, bas!” Hogha ya kamm ~

Gates : Namaskar! You must have heard of Windows.
Laloo : Oh yes! Most govt. offices we have the single window clearance concept.

Gates : At home have u installed Windows?
Laloo : I have removed all windows due to increased burgalaries in our house.

Gates(Confused): Then what is the system you operate on?
Laloo : OPERATION? Yes, I had a Hernia operation last month.

Gates(Sweating) : Hope the internet is being used a lot in India.
Laloo: Oh Yes! Due to increased mosquito problems many people are sleeping under the net.

Gates: By the year 2000 India should export computer chips.
Laloo: We are already exporting Uncle Chips.

Gates(Feeling very Uneasy): Do you regularly use LapTops?
Laloo: My grand-child sleeps on the top of my lap.

Gates(Heavily Sweating):The Chief Minister of Andhra Pradesh knows a lot about RAM & ROM.
Laloo : RUM? Prohibition is being lifted & it will be shortly available in A.P..

Gates(Feeling Dizzy): I would like to take your leave before my system crashes.
Laloo: I have exhuasted all my leave.

Gates: I have no energy left, let us go out and have a bite.
Laloo: BITE? I believe in non-violence. I will not bite.

Gates: (System Crashes and Found Missing).
“Windows is restarting.Please wait………….”

Laloo Prasad is visiting a primary school and he visits one of the classes. they are in the middle of a dicussion related to words and their meanings. the teacher asks laloo if he would like to lead the discussion of the word tragedy. so the leader asks the class for an eg of a tragedy.

one boy stands up and tell: if my best friend, who lives on a farm is playing in the field and a runaway tractor comes along and knocks him dead, that would be a tragedy.

no, says laloo, that would b an accident.

a gril raised her hand: if a school bus carrying 50 children drove over a cliff, killing everone inside, that wud b a tragedy

no. says laloo we would call a great loss

the room goes silent. nobody volunteer

laloo asked isn’t there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?

finally a small boy raises his hand. in a quiet voice he says:if a plane carrying laloo were struck by a missile and blown to smitheereens, that would be a tragedy

fantastic exclaims laloo. that right. & can u tell me whythat would be tragedy
bcoz it sure as hell wouldnt b a great loss and it probably wouldnt b an accident either.

Laloo Tution:
Laloo goes to america for learning english. After some days George Bush calls Rabri Devi & told her “Ae sasoora angreji nahin seekh sakat hai.”

What do they call French Toilet in Bihar?
La loo

Once Laloo wanted to know the time difference between Bihar and Las Vegas. So he called up the Tourist department and asked them
“Ji could you tell me the time difference between Patna and Las Begas…”. The man at the other end replies “One second sir…”
and Laloo immediately replies “Thank you” and puts the phone down.

At a bar in New York, the man to Laloo’s left tells the bartender, “JOHNNIE WALKER, SINGLE.” & the man’s companion says, “JACK DANIELS, SINGLE.” The bartender approaches Laloo and asks, “AND YOU, SIR?”
Laloo replies: “LALOO YADAV, MARRIED.”

Laloo Prasad Yadav was hosting a Japanese Delegation for Business Development to Bihar. The Japanese Embssary was quite impressed with Bihar and he stated, “Bihar is an excellent state. Give us three years and we will turn it into an economic superpower like Japan.”
Laloo was very surprised. “You Japanese are very ineficient,” he stated “Give me three days and I will turn Japan into Bihar”

A reporter asked Laloo “What is the main reason for a divorce ?”
“Marriage”

Once Laloo and his Devi-ji went on a business visit to Amrika. They were invited to a buffet lunch. After eating their fill, they went in search of water to drink. They came to a table, with many glasses arranged upside-down and jugs of water. The two stood by the table for a long time. The embassy charge-de-affairs, who was nervously watching, came up to ask if there was any problem. Said Rabri, “Arre bhaiya, ee kaisa gilass hai re. Isme pani kaise daloon? Moonh to bandh hai.” Added Laloo, “Theek boli tu, Rabri-ji. Aur bhaiya, agar pani daal bhi jaye, sab to nikal aayega neechu se re.”

Laloo went again to Amrika, but this time he boned up on matters American, like currency, time differences etc. One day a NRI fellow came up to him and said, “Laloo-ji, here’s a piece of paper. Tear it in half and I’ll give you a quarter.” Laloo, thinking, “Yeh to ulloo hai”, tore it in half and demanded his quarter. The fellow tore one of the halves into two and said “Here’s your quarter.” Laloo was much aggrieved and to regain his honour went to the nearest American and said, “Hallo, mister-ji, here’s a piece of paper. Tear it in half and I’ll give you 25 cents.”

Once, many years ago, when Laloo was a schoolboy, he was traveling alone on a train in Bihar. He had taken his pet rabbit with him. The ticket-checker came along and asked for Laloo’s ticket. In those halcyon days, you could buy your ticket even after boarding the train. You see, the population was small, (Laloo wasn’t married then) and trains ran near empty. Laloo asked for one ticket. The T.C. asked whose rabbit that was. Laloo said it was his. So the T.C. said he had to buy 2 tickets, one for himself and one for his rabbit. Laloo did as asked. Seated next to him was an old lady, who said, “Chhora, tero khargosh hamey zaraa de. Main usko thora aadar karungi.” Laloo readily obliged. A station arrived and Laloo got off to have some tea. In the hustle-bustle of the platform, the rabbit took fright and jumped right out of the window. The old lady called urgently to Laloo that his rabbit had run away. Saith Laloo, future king-maker of India, “Phikar na kare, ma-ji. Oo jayath kidhar, tikkat hamra pass hai na?”

When Lalloo completed 25 years of his rule over Bihar,
he wanted a special postage stamp issued, with his picture on it.

He so instructed Rabridevi, stressing that it should be of international quality.

The stamps were duly released, and Lalloo was pleased.

But within a couple of days of release of the stamp, he began hearing complaints that the stamp was not sticking properly, and became furious.

He called Rabri and ordered her to investigate the matter.

Rabri checked the matter out at several post offices,
and then reported on the problem to Lalloprasad.

She said: ” the stamp is really of international quality.
The problem is, our Biharis are spitting on the wrong side”

NASA was interviewing professionals to be sent to Mars.

Only one person could go, and he will not return to Earth.

The first applicant, an American engineer, was asked how much he wanted to be paid for going.

“A million dollars”, he answered, “because I wish to donate it to M.I.T.”

The next applicant, a Russian doctor, was asked the same question.

He asked for two million dollars.

“I wish to give a million to my family, he explained, “and leave the other million for the advancement of medical research.”

The last applicant was an Indian politician (Laloo Yadav).

When asked how much money he wanted, he whispered in the interviewers ear, “Three million dollars.”

“Why so much more than the others?” the interviewer asked.

Laloo replied, $1 million is for you, Ill keep $1million, and well give the American engineer $1million and send him to Mars.”